So...I tried really hard to let it go. Jamie and I both have been very quiet about everything that's been going on, but I'm just about ready to let it get as ugly as it's gonna get. You're a self-centered narcissistic asshole, Jay. Who the fuck are YOU to give Jamie shit for stuff that YOU have done? Who the fuck are YOU to sit and play the fucking VICTIM? You are in no position to sit there and demand forgiveness. You don't deserve forgiveness. Not because of what you've done (which is a WHOLE laundry list of shit) but because of how you act about it.

You feel bad? You don't act it. You can't forgive yourself? Good. You shouldn't. The world is cruel and evil for judging you? Oh boo-fucking-hoo. Way to make it ALL about Jay again. No one matters besides you. I don't care what you SAY to dispute that, I look at how you ACT. Every time someone has an opinion about something fucked up that you do you act like they're the biggest asshole in the world because they point out that you did something wrong. And then you go emo and you threaten to hurt yourself to make everyone feel bad for how much they've WRONGED you. That's emotional terrorism. You're a real piece of work. I pity your family.

Let me tell you something though: if you EVER threaten Jamie again I will fucking destroy you. You haven't seen me mad. You haven't seen how much of an asshole I can be. I will destroy you and leave you broken and alone. I was gonna let it go. I DID let it go. As far as I was concearned we were done. Watch how you act, Jay, I'm not fucking putting up with it.

Get help, Jay. There's so much shit wrong with you I can't even begin to count it

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychotic
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissism
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Egocentric

Jason Bennett died.

Hello karma.

Is good. I love it. I'm living my dream. I met my dad. We're getting along. We're reconnecting. I think I'm losing my mother but did I ever have her to being with? Probably not. I don't care. I've stopped caring a while ago, I think.

I just hope one day karma kicks in...gives everyone what they deserve. I try to keep my head down, to ignore it all, but the coniving bitch side that I got from my mom doesn't let me do it forever. So sometimes I check up on people, just to see how they're doing and wow...karma can't come quick enough for some of them. I know I'm biased but...I hate it when good things happen to bad people. Especially when I know it'll lead to bad things happening to good people.

But I'm going back into my happy little cave soon. My life is amazing. Just sometimes I have to step out into the shit world to never take what I have for granted.

Huh.
I should get a new lj with my correct name.
oh well.

My head's been spinning lately.  Airplane rides give me too much time to ponder. So much has been happening and yet not enough. I want to kill the critics. I want to kiss the fans. I want to sex Jamie up on stage. I want to upstage everyone that's ever let me down. I want to be able to say I'm a good person. I want to not feel like a hermit.

I hate the humming of the plane engines, but Jamie's next to me, humming along to his iPod so all is good.

Oh it's so good to be home. I know we haven't been gone for very long but nothing beats flopping down in your own bed. The dogs went NUTS. Morticia peed all over the place. Cleaning that up was FUNNY cause I had to follow her little path all over the apartment to her blanket. Ahh I swear, that kid. Yes, kid. Shut up.

Got some time before the big tour. I'm excited but also kinda dreading it. Not that we'll be playing, just the traveling. If I could cut out all the airplane time I'd be such a happy camper. Dumb, right? I mean, I sit in a seat for hours and feel exhausted. It's not like I'm actually doing anything. Crazy. Maybe I should go see a doctor about this. Is it normal to get so worn out by this stuff? Jamie seems fine. In DI the others seemed fine. Maybe I have some sort of unknown travel allergy that is yet to be discovered, who know? I don't.

Ya, time to go snuggle everyone. Ahhh, home.

I've never been huge on blogging but Jamie explained everything to me last night so hopefully over the weekend this 'lj' (as the cool kids call it) won't look so shitty.

I like the idea though. I like being able to write my thoughts out and presenting them to the world. I always have to be a little careful of what I say. In this business pissing off the wrong person could be career suicide, so this shall be my little haven and I shall call it squishy.

That being said...oh my God, it's starting to take off so fast, this little band of ours. So much touring, so much work. Here I thought it would go all slow and gradual but no, man. ZOOM! hit the ground running.

Makes me wonder what the fuck was UP with Digital Injury.

Jamie has one and now SO DO I!